I banged my stepmom this summer'." "Mom, I know that." "And Robert, normally I would never advise you to keep anything from your wife, when you get married someday; but this is one intimacy that needs to remain between you and me. Your wife can never know what you and I shared, okay?" "Mom, I promise you, I will never tell a soul. I will never disrespect you in any way. I realize people would not understand what we are doing. But mom, this is not about sex; it is about love. I love you. That's why I want to be with you." I could feel tears form in my eyes as I knew he was right; this was about love and intimacy, not sex. "God, I love you Robert." "I love you too, mom." "Robert, one last thing. We need to keep the intimacy inside the house. When we are out in public, we need to act like a stepmother and her son, not like lovers. There can not be any 'public shows of affection'; not even holding hands." Robert nodded indicated that he understood. "Mom, do you think maybe we could take. Not even you.” I stand up, his dark eyes following. “Things did change. That’s what life is; change, a never-ending cycle of good and bad, but us - we are good, Isaac, and you know that. Despite what you think, I’m not giving up anything.” He is silent as he stares at me.“You are what I want. You always will be. Do you understand?” I can feel the crease between my brows as I ask this question, the heat of his gaze as he contemplates pushing me away. I was always afraid he outweighed me, that he was so much more than me, but now I realize neither of us is above the other. He may feel that I outweigh him, but we are equal, and I need him to see that.Isaac releases our locked eyes and looks down to his lap.The air is so still a pin drop would rival the tone of an avalanche.I watch the man of my dreams percolate in self-hate, marinate in unfair compromise, the life he once had seeming out of his reach. But it doesn’t have to be. He is still here, and so am I, and I have never wanted him.
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